6 Things I Learned In The First Three Months Of Marriage

After the infatuation wore off and we started settling into real life, I slowly began to learn some important lessons as I entered a new stage of life – married life.

Being a wife now brought its owns joys and challenges. It brought along a learning curve and revealed to me some things about myself I didn’t even realize were there.

I hope the things I learned as a newlywed will help you in whatever season of life you are in. These may help you prepare for your own season of being a new wife, or just give you an idea of what someone might experience shortly after marriage.

Either way, I hope that my first three months of marriage would be fruitful and beneficial to you!

But before we keep chatting, did you know that this blog post is a part of a series? I met the man of my dreams and we both wanted to share everything we learned through the process! Be sure to check them all out:

1. Our Love Story
2. Why We Waited To Kiss and Have Sex Till Marriage
3. 4 Practical Dating Tips for Christian Women In Their Early 20’s
4. The 7 Best Christian Books You Need To Read Before Marriage
5. How To Accomplish A Gorgeous Wedding For Only $2,000
6. How To Easily Prevent Pregnancy Without Birth Control
7. 6 Things I Learned In The First Three Months Of Marriage
8. 13 Surprising Benefits When You Get Married Young
9. How To Plan A Remote Honeymoon In The Mountains
10. How To Keep Your House Clean With Puppies

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Ok, so what did the first three months of marriage look like for us? If you read our love story then you know that we had a small, intimate wedding ceremony and then two private receptions hosted by our family a month later.

The first month was still exciting, learning how to adjust to living together, still basking in wedding vibes, and having a lot of fun with the two new puppies we picked up on the way back from our honeymoon!

You could say it was still bliss.

But slowly real life began to sink in and the learning curve from those first three months of marriage began to start.

When we were dating, we had set very strong boundaries. It wasn’t until after we got married that we were able to be intimate with each other, live with each other, and truly enjoy one another on a deep level – physically, mentally, and spiritually.

We had become one and we loved that we were learning and experiencing exactly what that looked like.

Here is what I learned during that process:

1. My New Role

During our engagement, I read a lot of books about what marriage would look like and how I could prepare to be an amazing wife. However, it wasn’t until I was fully experiencing my new role that I realized the work I needed to put in right in the first three months to have a good marriage.

My new role as a wife called me to be selfless.

I needed to always put my husband’s needs above my own and that was a lot of hard work. After living on my own for so long, I wasn’t used to thinking about someone else’s needs, wants, and desires all the time.

I had to re-learn what it looked like to live with someone else and be selfless in everything I do.

2. My New Responsibilities

As a wife, I had to take on new responsibilities: more laundry, more cleaning, more cooking! There was suddenly a lot more to do with more people and animals to take care of.

The first three months of marriage involved a lot of reforming my habits and the structure of my life to fit in the new responsibilities I had to take on as a wife.

My husband and I were both working full-time jobs and since my husband works from home, he ends up doing a lot of the basic chores as well. However, I still felt the weight of the tasks on my plate each day. 

Proverbs 31 describes a woman who gets up early, cares for her family, and is a homemaker. I strive to live by these principles as God calls me to this role. It doesn’t mean I can’t share the tasks with my husband – after all, we are a team! – but it does mean that I can live into the natural instincts that God has instilled in me as a woman.

I love this blog post about being a Proverbs 31 woman!

I learned to adjust to the balance of pursuing my own hobbies, working a full-time job, being a wife, being a mother to our dogs, and impacting others around me all at the same time! And to be honest, I love it! The learning curve is completely worth it!

3. Form New Habits

During our engagement, I received a lot of great advice and most of it revolved around this concept: in order to have a great marriage, it takes a lot of hard work.

To work for our marriage, my husband and I both knew we need to starting forming habits at the very beginning of our marriage. They would be the strong foundation that we could lay the rest of the building blocks on top of for years to come.

The habits we started forming began with digging into God’s word every morning.

Thankful, both our workdays don’t start till about 9:30 am. This gives us no excuse to read the Bible every morning. It allows us to rest in God’s promises and truths each morning and turn our focus away from ourselves.

After reading separately and each having our own time alone with God we come together to pray. We keep a prayer journal and pray over the prayer requests of our friends and family and lift up our marriage to God.

This has been the most amazing habit because we are able to meditate on God’s truth throughout the day.

Related Post: 27 Habits That Will Make You The Best Brand New Wife

We also have another habit: we say “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” and “I forgive you” each day.

Saying “I love you” to each other each day is so important because it lifts the other spouse up and reminds them that they are truly something special to you.

When we mess up, asking for forgiveness is one of the most healing things we can do. It erases anger, bitterness, and fights against building resentment. My husband established the habit of saying “You are right, I am wrong. Will you please forgive me?” early in our dating season and carried it through to our marriage.

Humbling yourself through forgiveness one of the best habits to establish in the first three months of marriage.

We also don’t let our phones enter our bedroom, pray and list five things we are thankful for each night before we go to sleep, and limit the amount of television we watch to almost none.

We also make each other a priority and greet the other person at the door after work. I strive to tell my husband something I am thankful for that he did each day, so he feels appreciated and my husband hardly ever goes a day without telling me I’m beautiful.

Lastly, every Sunday night we come together and do The Marriage Journal by Jeremy and Audrey Roloff. After reading, A Love Letter Life by them during engagement a friend gift us The Marriage Journal and it has helped strengthen our marriage in so many ways!

I’ve already noticed that in the first three months of marriage it’s the small things that add up to be the most impactful things because they last over time.

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4. Submit To My Husband’s Leadership

When I was living on my own, I could make my own decisions and essentially do whatever I wanted. But, when I got married that changed.

Ephesians 5:21-23 says “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Submission does not mean you have no voice. My husband always asks for my opinion and decides based on how we both feel about the matter. But he is the ultimate decision-maker.

He is the leader of our home and I support him in his decisions. By submitting to his decisions, I honor and respect him.

This was a learning curve again for me. I no longer could make my own decisions. I was one with my husband and had to practice submitting to him. This meant voicing my opinion and concerns but allowing him to be the ultimate decision-maker.

Submitting is not a natural tendency. Our natural tendency is to be selfish and get our own way. And I am probably one of the most stubborn people out there, so submitting is an even harder skill I have to learn and practice.

The first three months of marriage have caused me to lean on Christ for the power to overcome my stubborn flesh and trust Christ as I submit to my husband’s leadership respectfully.

5. How To Communicate

My husband and I have very different personalities when it comes to the way we communicate. When we were dating, we didn’t notice it at all. We were so infatuated with each other; it was easy to communicate with one another.

However, the first three months of marriage showed us that good communication is a learned and practiced skill.

I am continually learning how to understand my husband when he communicates. And in turn, I am practicing how to communicate effectively with him.

For us, this looks like checking in with each other throughout the day. Asking questions to make sure we are on the same page, and giving each other lots of grace when we mess up.

Practicing communication is not easy. It takes energy and a whole lot of patience, but it’s completely worth it. I am so glad we are using the first three months of marriage to practice our communication so that we can have a solid foundation for the rest of our marriage.

6. Keep God At The Center Still

Ultimately, God is the only thing that can fully satisfy you.

At times, as a newlywed, I found myself wanting my husband to give me unconditional, unending love. That was unfair of me. My husband is human and will fail me.

He can’t meet all my needs. He can work really hard at it, provide and protect me and give me all the desires I might ask for; however, God has to fully be my strength and source of my joy.

My husband is not God and asking him to fulfill that role is unfair.

In the first three months of marriage, I had to remind myself at times that my ultimate joy and satisfaction is found in Christ, the Lord of my life. My husband can show me love through my love language, the way he treats me, and the way he communicates with me, but it will ultimately never fulfill all my needs.

The more I lean on Christ, the more joy and love I experience, in addition to the sacrificial love my husband shows me daily.

There you have it: the 6 things I learned in the first three months of marriage. And boy-oh-boy am I still learning!

And that’s one of the best parts about marriage, it is a continual learning experience. It’s a chance to continually examine yourself and see how you can become more like Christ. There is always an opportunity to grow in showing more love, more grace, and kindness.

Plus marriage is a blast!

Have you experienced a learning curve in the first months of marriage? Will you be a newlywed soon? Share with me in the comments below, I’d love to connect with you! (:

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Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma

Hey there, I'm Kelsey! I'm so glad you are here. I'm a 20-something helping you live your most fulfilling life. I hope you'll join me in this old-fashioned & simple lifestyle!

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