I recently stumbled across several articles, blog posts, and stories in books of couples who had extremely long engagements before they got married. Some of my friends even had engagements longer than a year.
If you have been hanging around this blog for a while, then you know that my husband and I did things quite differently. We were engaged for only two and a half months! In fact, we were married only five months after we met each other for the first time!
Sometimes, people gawk at this. They have never heard of people moving so quickly and can’t wrap their minds around it. Sometimes, people make assumptions. They would assume that I was pregnant, even though we were saving our first kiss till our wedding day. Or they assumed we were desperate for sex, even though we were both thriving and content singles for years before meeting each other.
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Because of these assumptions and questions, we have often received about our love story I have compiled a whole series (plus I have added a few more blog posts at the bottom) to share our hearts!
- Our Love Story
- Why We Waited To Kiss and Have Sex Till Marriage
- 4 Practical Dating Tips for Christian Women In Their Early 20’s
- The 7 Best Christian Books You Need To Read Before Marriage
- How To Accomplish A Gorgeous Wedding For Only $2,000
- How To Easily Prevent Pregnancy Without Birth Control
- 6 Things I Learned In The First Three Months Of Marriage
- 13 Surprising Benefits When You Get Married Young
- How To Plan A Remote Honeymoon In The Mountains
- How To Keep Your House Clean With Puppies
How To Plan The Best Low-Waste Eco-Friendly Wedding Ever
27 Habits That Will Make You The Best Brand New Wife
After doing some research as to why people choose long engagements here are some common themes that stood out to me.
Long engagements do provide you with more time to save for the wedding and plan the wedding. And if you are having an elaborate wedding, that may be necessary. You may also need the time to finish schooling or move across the country or find a new line of work.
I was really intrigued by this article where it said “a prolonged engagement gives couples an opportunity to engage in premarital education, so that they can learn skills that help improve marriage. ” After thinking it over my response to this is that, while time can be a benefit to many engaged couples, a simpler engagement with less busyness may actually be more beneficial.
But I do have to agree. The most important aspect of being engaged is preparing for marriage, not just the wedding. Your love story is just beginning when you get married.
I hope this blog post will show you why a short engagement was the best choice for us and why it may be a wonderful choice for you too!
Let’s get started on the seven reasons you should have a short engagement…
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Short Engagements Are Not Rushed Engagements
If done correctly.
I read a few comments on blog posts supporting long engagements that they are necessary because otherwise everything is rushed. To them, if you have a short engagement, everything will be stressful.
And, it would feel rushed and stressful if you wanted everything that an elaborate wedding has.
When you have a short engagement you can still have a beautiful and elegant wedding; however, it is very difficult to have an elaborate wedding.
With a short engagement, you have to be willing to sacrifice on some things. You probably won’t be able to have that Pinterest-perfect venue or get to test five different caterers.
However, when you focus on simple and beautiful aspects of your wedding, you can enjoy your engagement season. That’s why it’s one of my reasons you should have a short engagement!
Which leads me to my next point…
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A Short Engagement Focuses On What Matters
This is my favorite reason out of all the reasons you should have a short engagement.
Simple. Peaceful. Breathtaking. These are some of the words I would use to describe our wedding and we only spend $2,000 on it!
Often, brides get caught up in the fanfare of wedding planning. It’s so easy! Especially if you have a large budget to do it.
Related Post: How To Create Your First Successful Budget After College
But, after reading books and hearing from others, I realized that all this disappears. Sure, some people will remember the flowers you chose or if your chicken was dry, but for the most part it’s the memories that last.
Brides believe that in order to have a memorable wedding, they need all the bells and whistles. Have you heard the saying that money can’t buy happiness? Money can’t buy a good marriage either.
Your wedding is one day. I’m not saying you shouldn’t make it beautiful and spend money to have a day to remember, but I am saying a short engagement forces you to turn to the things that really matter: making friends and family feel loved, spending your money wisely, and preparing for marriage more than the wedding.
That’s one of the biggest reasons you should have a short engagement.
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A Short Engagement Shows Commitment
Once you decide to get married, get married. After our first date, I came home and said “I just met the man I am going to marry!
I never thought I would be that person. But, I was dating intentionally and trusting God with my love story. I knew the characteristics my future husband needed to have and what I was looking for. So, after our first date, I knew that Landon checked most of those off the list.
There are some legitimate reasons why people have to have a long engagement, from military to distance to schooling.
However, if you are engaged and there are no roadblocks, then why the hesitation to get married?
Sometimes long engagements are simply to appease family members. Or perhaps there’s fear involved. Or even the need to having everything look a certain way. Whatever is holding you back from getting married right away, dig into it deeper.
Related Post: How to Create The Best Amazon Wedding Registry In The World
The reasons some people chose short engagements could be for selfish motives as well. So, be sure to examine your motives behind the length of your engagement. Journal about the pros and cons to both to find out your reasons behind the length of time you want to be engaged.
It’s time to consider all the reasons you should have a short engagement.
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A Short Engagement Saves You Money
Perhaps a long engagement could save you money too. But, in my experience, I have seen that the long engagement saves you pennies compared to the money you can save with a short engagement.
A long engagement means you have more time to pick out the right venue, and with more dates open, you can probably finder a cheaper venue or even negotiate the price. However, you still have to pay for the venue.
With a short engagement, your options are more limited, but you are forced to look at even cheaper options than a wedding venue. You will probably look into a backyard wedding or find a beautiful park, as we did. The park cost us absolutely nothing to use!
Also, a short engagement saves you money on the people attending the wedding, the food, the decorations, and every other area because there will be less.
Less is more. That is the key to a short engagement and a beautiful wedding.
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A Short Engagement Eliminates Family Drama
For our wedding, we asked for immediate family only to attend. While that was hard for some family members and friends to hear, we felt it was best for us.
Having a small wedding and short engagement actually led to very minimal family drama. I know, I thought that it would do the opposite as well!
But, when you have fewer things to fuss over, are clear with your desires and intentions, and are bold in following through with those plans, your family will tag along for the ride. My husband had to teach me what boldness looked like and I’m so thankful he led us so well during our engagement season.
If you feel overcome by family suggestions during your wedding planning process, then maybe you take a step back and see if it is really worth it all. What are you doing to simply please family?
I have found that family drama often forms when we let the family have a higher say on a matter than our own desires.
There is a way to loving show family that they are valued and their opinions matter while being bold. I am certainly not saying to not care what others think or say. However, it is important to stand up for your own wedding dreams.
Family drama can be eliminated with a short engagement because you are keeping things simple and timely. There is less to fuss over and less to worry about. For example, when someone asked me about a wedding shower I just simply said I wasn’t having one. And that was it. There were quite a few instances like that and it kept everything efficient.
When the family was involved with something, I gave them clearly defined rules to follow. I told them my expectations, the reason why I needed their help on it, and gave them a deadline.
When your family sees you being bold and clearly defining your dreams, they can’t help but run alongside you towards the goal – your wedding day!
This is one of the great reasons you should have a short engagement.
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A Short Engagement Helps You Stay Pure
As a Christian, I believe that God intended for marriage to be between one man and one woman. And, that means we are not to compromise the marriage act of sex in any way. For me, that even meant saving my first kiss for my wedding day.
Related Post: Why We Waited To Kiss And Have Sex Till Marriage
After we were engaged is when sexual temptation began to grow. We were waiting to have sex and had set high boundaries to help us accomplish that. We didn’t lay down next to each other and the only touching we did was hugs and holding hands.
But, even if you haven’t kissed and you have high boundaries in place, there is still a sexual temptation.
God designed us to desire sex because it reflects His love for His church, His bride. Sex is a covenant act that unites a man and woman and makes them one. And God designed for sex to marriage because it is a covenant act that should never be broken.
A short engagement means less time to resist sexual temptation. Because temptation only grows stronger as the days go on, it is important to keep your engagement short.
This is one of my favorite places to go when it comes to learning more about sexual purity: Desiring God
For us, a short two and half month engagement was perfect. It gave us enough time to attend pre-marital counseling and prepare our hearts and minds for the wedding night. It was adequate for all the necessary conversations, especially those involving sex and future family expectations. We even spent time with several other older and wiser couples in our church to really make sure our expectations were aligned.
One of the most important reasons you should have a short engagement is so that you can remain sexually pure. You have the rest of your life to enjoy each other as husband and wife. Don’t push your boundaries during your engagement season and begin planning a short engagement.
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A Short Engagement Focuses On The Marriage More Than The Wedding
This is so vital to the success of your marriage. Ask yourself and really study your heart: do you spend more time planning your wedding or preparing for your marriage?
Your marriage is what lasts. Your wedding is one day.
I love this verse in Matthew 6 that says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Your wedding flowers will die. Things will fade. But, each day on you will be married.
Marriage is a lot of work. It requires a great deal of forgiveness, selflessness, and humility. I’m so thankful for the time we spent preparing for our marriage. It was much more fruitful and has lasted for months.
I encourage you to have a short engagement because it will limit the time spent on planning your wedding. It will force you to focus on your marriage first and foremost.
There you have it, the seven genuine reasons you should have a short engagement! What do you think? Would you rather have a short engagement or a long engagement? Let me know in the comments below if you will consider the reasons you should have a short engagement!
Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma
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Good points! If I had a chance to plan my wedding differently based on budget, I surely would! 🙂
Thanks Patricia! I hope it will help lots of people with that aspect! (:
I do agree with some of these points for sure. At the end of the day, the marriage is most important!
Love it Lily!