Since getting married, my husband and I have been intentional about having a morning routine and a night routine as a couple.
These routines establish our days and allow us to function as a team efficiently, which we both love!
Without our routines, we feel off. Things just don’t align properly, and we can never seem to get everything done in time if we don’t go through our standard routine each night and each morning. We also have weekly routines that you can check out here!
As a husband and wife duo, it is so important to function as a unit! God created you to be each other’s helpmates and your marriage vows alone show that you want to do this life together.
So, I want to challenge you to start doing life as a couple. And you guessed it, the best place to start is with a consistent night routine as a couple (followed by an encouraging morning routine).
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I can’t wait to share with you the routine that my husband and I have found works best for us. The post below is full of practical steps on how to establish a rewarding routine as a couple. However, I have to mention that I write from the perspective that you and your spouse have similar schedules.
These steps may seem easier to follow when you are on a similar schedule to your spouse. But, I encourage you to give this a go even if you are not on the same time frame each day. With a little time, these points can be adapted to fit your needs!
Alright, let’s dive into the best night routine for couples…
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Establish A Bedtime Together
This step begins by picking a time that just means it is time to call it quits. For us, that is currently 10 pm.
After this time, we know that we will get less sleep than we want, and it will only lead to bad results. Begin your night routine as a couple by finding a bedtime that works for both you and your spouse and go to bed together at the same time.
When you function on the same “clock” you will operate as a unit, getting more done and helping each other.
My husband and I love having the same bedtime each night because it forms a positive habit in our lives. Life habits help us live happier and healthier lives. A night routine is a positive life habit you can start today!
Related Post: How To Jumpstart Your Year With These Life Habits
Once you find a time that works for both of you, hold each other accountable. Set an alarm and make sure that if one person is not holding to the bedtime you bring it up to them. Remind them why you are doing it and that everything else can wait till the morning.
An established bedtime will also help you wake up easier in the morning. Just check out this research article if you don’t believe me.
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Shower Together
I don’t think I have to say much here, except that a shower is an amazing tool for winding down from a long day. Why not do it together?
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Leave Your Phones In The Kitchen, Then Read and Talk Together
Sometimes it can be hard to find one-on-one time with your spouse. So many other demands in life call for your time and attention. Right before you fall asleep is a great time to connect with each other.
Find a book that you both may enjoy and take turns reading one chapter out loud to each other.
If this is a new idea for you, I promise that you will enjoy going on an imaginary adventure together. And, often when my husband and I are reading a book together before bed, it will spark a unique conversation.
I’ve heard many married couples say that they have just run out of things to talk about. That is why it is so important to incorporate activities together each week.
And, reading each night as part of your night routine as a couple is a great way to spark conversation and enjoy relaxing together.
Related Post: 6 Things I Learned In The First Three Months Of Marriage
In order to connect with each other fully each night be sure to leave your phones in another room. We leave ours in the kitchen every night and they never enter our bedroom.
Why? Our phones pull us away from each other. Instead of engaging in each other’s needs, we turn to other distractions and entertainment. It does not strengthen our marriage in any way.
Plus, alarm clocks are so cheap. Ours works great and has never let us down.
When it’s bedtime, put your phone on the charger in the other room. Take a shower together and snuggle up in bed with a good book or start a conversation. You won’t regret it.
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Be Affectionate With Each Other
Before you go to sleep, remind your spouse about why you love them through caresses, a massage, cuddling, holding hands, and kissing.
Whether your love language is physical touch or not, you need to be physically close to one another to grow closer and deeper.
Related Post: The 7 Best Christian Books You Need To Read Before Marriage
Sometimes being affectionate may lead to sex, and other times it may not. I always try to remember back to when we were dating. We had extremely high boundaries (link) and I couldn’t wait to get married.
Well, now I’m married and I don’t want to take these simple, peaceful moments before bed for granted.
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Say Your Thankfuls
“What are your thankfuls?” That’s the question my husband asks me every night to wrap up our night routine as a couple.
It’s easy to feel discouraged at the end of the day. I often want to grumble or complain. I can tell you from experience that, sadly, going to sleep with a negative mindset makes it easy for you to wake up with a negative mindset.
Instead, my husband encouraged us to start this habit at the beginning of our marriage to keep a positive and grateful mindset each day.
Each night we say five things we are thankful for to each other. And boy, do I love this habit! It makes you pause and think about your day.
As I get asked that question I jump all over my mind thinking about everything I did, said, and thought that day. Some things were really good and some things were not. However, there is always something to be thankful for.
Being thankful brings our thoughts back to the blessings we have.
It’s never hard for me to think of five things I am thankful for each night because frankly, I should be thankful for everything!
I love hearing my husband’s thankfuls too because it reminds me of the things he values. For example, he says “I’m thankful I found extra time in the day to finish my woodworking project.” And I go, “Oh my gosh you finished it? What does it look like? When did you do it?”
And suddenly, I have become a deeper and more affectionate teammate.
Our thankfuls are key to reminding me to see life through my husband’s eyes.
This also points to the key of saying your thankfuls out loud. Just saying them in your head lacks accountability and does not allow your spouse to see what value is in life.
To establish a rewarding night routine as a couple, take turns saying five things you are thankful for each night. Don’t ever skip this. Make it a habit and you’ll find a positive mindset growing day after day.
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Say What You Loved About Your Spouse
“Today I loved it when…”
After we end our five thankfuls, we then say three things we loved that our spouse did that day. This could be something they did, said, improved, or just something you started to notice.
I love this part of our night routine as a couple because it gives us an opportunity to acknowledge something the other person did and encourage them. My main love language is words of affirmation. Each night these three things make me feel so loved and special.
To keep your marriage strong and your connection as a couple thriving it is so vital that we encourage and uplift one another. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV) is a good reminder. It says, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
Here are some examples of “Today I loved it when you…”
-put away the dishes
-played with the dogs/kids
-gave me free time to work on my blog
-cooked me dinner
-wrote me a love letter
-brought me coffee in the morning
-sent me a sweet text at lunch
When we acknowledge something that we love that our spouse did, it encourages them to do it again. I know that being acknowledged for a selfless action I did makes me want to do it again!
Start today. Ask your spouse to participate in the five thankfuls and three “I loved it when…” phrases before you go to sleep. Hold each other accountable so that you do it every night and begin to form a habit.
To form positive habits like these it takes being intentional. It’s hard work, but so entirely worth it.
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Pray Together
The last step before our quick goodnight kiss is to say a quick prayer together. We try to take turns each night, but my husband tends to do it more than me as he leads us each night.
The prayer is usually only a few lines. A couple of words of praise to God for what He does for us each day, confessing any sins, thanking Him for all He gives us, and asking Him for any current needs.
When we pray together we always hold hands as a symbol that we are coming before the Lord together as a team and as a unit. If you don’t already do this with your spouse I would encourage you to give it a try.
By holding hands together as you pray, you feel united.
Don’t forget to pray together each night before you go to sleep. It doesn’t have to be anything long or complicated. Just come before God together and center your heart on Him before you fall asleep.
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Kiss Each Other Goodnight And Say “I Love You”
Lastly, after we say “Amen” at the end of our prayer, we kiss each other goodnight and say, “I love you.”
This makes it a habit to say “I love you” to my husband at least once every day. And kissing each other goodnight feels very romantic to me. We want to keep the love alive!
So, there you have it! The eight steps we take to establish a rewarding night routine as a couple. I honestly can’t say that I can go to bed easily without doing each of these steps.
Each step is vital to focusing my mind back on what is positive and loving. After our night routine, I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the world.
Let me know in the comments below what your favorite part of this night routine is for you! I can’t wait to connect with you and hear your tips!
Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma
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This is such a lovely routine! Ours isn’t too far off, but our bedtime is 12 (!) and we haven’t shaken the phones yet. Otherwise we have alot in common 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Cool!! Thanks for the comment!
Love the idea of a couple’s routine! These tips are really so helpful and a great way to form deeper connections between each other, thanks Kelsey!
You’re welcome Irene!
This is all great advice to form a better connection! I don’t live with my boyfriend but it’s good to keep in mind for the future.
Yes, when you get married, Lord-willing, this would be a great post to come back to! (: We’ve been married for about seven months now and have found these routines to be so beneficial!
This is seriously the sweetest! My husband and I have recently gotten into a really good evening routine. We cook dinner together and watch a show while we eat. Sometimes we watch a movie or a second show after that. We each have time separate immediately following – for me to finish up my work and for him to dance or play video games. Then he showers while I take off my makeup and brush my teeth. Following that, we do yoga together. I’m a bookworm and put away my phone an hour before bed, so we usually sit in… Read more »
That’s so great! I love how you have things that are different than our routine, but it is what works best for you! And sparks both your interests!
It sounds like you have a found a routine that really works for you! My husband and I have fallen into a routine that we like a lot, and it involves many of the same pieces. I really like our little talks in bed before going to sleep. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day!
Aw Kait, that is so sweet!
This is sweet. Unfortunately we can’t always go to bed together due to our jobs (he is sometimes working late at night due to being on call for his company). However, he usually tries to come up and lay with me for a bit until I fall asleep, then he gets up and finishes his work and sneaks into bed later. We have a bit of a silly bedtime tradition – every night we play Jeopardy on the Alexa together before we go to sleep!
You play Jeopardy?! That is so fun!! And I love that he is still intentional, very cool!
Such a great post and evening routine! I never thought about having a night routine is as important as having a morning routine. It makes sense and sounds like a great way to unwind after a long day!
Kileen
cute & little
It really is! I hope this helps you set up your own routines Kileen. (:
Me and my partner have individual evening routines, but we always go to sleep at the same time.
Cool, sometimes that is what is best! I’m glad you are still intentional about going to sleep at the same time. (: