Your wedding is one of the most special days of your life, but it’s also the culmination of a lot of hard work.
True, it can be extremely rewarding and even bring you and your future spouse and family closer, yet there aren’t many weddings without a few headaches and the occasional tear along the way.
There are no dress rehearsals with wedding planning, it’s a life skill that most of us need to learn, so going into the process with the right expectations is essential. Here are a few things to know before planning your wedding that you may not have realized yet…
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A Small Wedding Should Mean Less Planning
For many people, myself included, the idea of a large day filled with extended family, work colleagues, and guests they may not know well isn’t an appealing thought.
Others are put off by the expense or even the perceived stress of organizing a big wedding.
However, even the small destination wedding can still take quite a bit of planning if you let it! If you don’t set a realistic wedding budget and work hard to make all of the logistics come together on time, then you’ll be frazzled!
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People assume that even if you’re only planning something small, most of the same tasks still exist. And that’s because we all know someone that was this way. In the weeks leading up to my wedding I heard “Oh, you must have so much on your plate right now!” or “I hope all those fine details are falling into place and not making you go crazy!”
Everyone was shocked when I told them I had nothing to do in the weeks leading up to my wedding. There were no small details to stress over because I was determined to not let my small wedding fail to be the simple wedding I had dreamed of.
I wanted to prepare for marriage more than I wanted to prepare for a wedding. Your marriage is what lasts.
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One of the most important things to know before planning your wedding is that you have the option to have a small wedding, no matter what family stereotypes, cultural norms, and subconscious beliefs you have instilled in you.
Now, don’t necessarily expect a small wedding to be totally stress-free, especially if you’re going abroad and have travel logistics in the mix too, but do consider it as an option to keep things simple and beautiful in the most natural way you possibly can.
Almost a year ago my husband and I enjoyed our small wedding and we could not imagine it any other way. We have no regrets and highly recommend the benefits of a small wedding.
Planning Your Wedding Shouldn’t Take Over Your Life
No one likes the thought of becoming a bridezilla but accept from the start that you’re likely to be very interested and caught up in your wedding plans.
Quite apart from the fact that wedding planning can take up a lot of your time and headspace, there is a lot of decision-making that you’ll want to talk through with your friends or family, and you may also be saving towards your wedding fund or honeymoon. This means that it’s going to be a big topic for you, and it’s natural to want to talk about it.
However, it shouldn’t be all you think about, talk about, and even dream about.
Your wedding is only one day of your entire life. And, yes, of course, you want it to be magical and everything you have always dreamed but it is also extremely important to maintain the correct headspace.
Just because you are wedding planning now doesn’t mean that you have stopped being a daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, colleague, teammate, and of course a fiancé!
So, how can you fight the temptation to make everything about you and your wedding? Here are some helpful tips…
- Keep God First
- Keep Others Second
- Remember You Are Third
If you have lived by the “God first, Others second, Me third” approach before you begin your wedding planning then one of the most important things to know before planning your wedding is that you need to keep this same life motto going. It won’t be easy at times, but it is certainly worth it.
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First and foremost, remember to keep God at the center of everything you are doing. We can’t take anything in this world to heaven with us. All your wedding planning decorations will one day be broken, lost, or forgotten.
There is certainly nothing wrong with planning a gorgeous wedding, just keep the main things the main things. Letting the details of minor items take up your time and energy is not using the resources God has given you to bring glory to Him.
Next, don’t forget to always ask others about their lives. I made it a habit after someone asked me about anything related to my wedding to always follow it up with a specific question about their lives.
I also continually prayed for others. When you pray for others it reminds you to follow up on their needs and specific prayer requests. James 5:16 ESV says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
Lastly, take care of yourself. When wedding planning becomes stressful, remember the big picture: you’re getting married! Recruit others to help, ask for advice, and remind yourself that everything will fall into place.
Remember, one of the important things to know before planning your wedding is that you have the power to control how much time, energy, and resources get poured into your wedding. You have the power to be intentional about it.
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Your Spouse May Have A Different Perspective
A wedding is the coming together of two people – but that doesn’t mean they’re always going to agree.
You may find that you both have strong opinions or that there are some things they care about and want to get deeply involved in, while on other topics it may be a struggle to get them to engage. For example, you may find a venue like thegrandhallkc.com and become obsessed with imagining a ceremony there, while they might only be concerned about the wedding dinner or the entertainment for later on.
So, first, don’t expect to always be in perfect harmony with your fiancé. You should expect disagreements on the wedding planning journey. However, when you know this ahead of time can help you when disagreements arise.
The best advice I can give you is to prepare now by setting up a wedding planning conversation with your fiancé. In this conversation, dream about your wedding together and have an honest discussion.
What are some non-negotiables for you? Who would you invite? What do you envision when you walk down the aisle? Then ask your fiancé what is most important to them. What is something they care about that they would hate to see missing or changed?
By having a conversation ahead of time, before you walk into venues together, you set yourselves up for success. You can draw conclusions of compromise from one another in each area of wedding planning.
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Second, don’t take small disagreements as a sign of doom! One disagreement, or comprising a few things for your wedding, is a wonderful step in the direction of marriage.
What do I mean by that?!
Marriage only works when you have two selfless people that are willing to sacrifice, make changes, and compromise for the other. Start practicing your wedding planning.
If you are selfish about wants and desires, then it is only going to lead to hurt and resentment.
Before you start planning your wedding look internally. What can you change about yourself to consider the needs of others before your own? Selflessness is a long process, but it is entirely worth it.
Overthinking Can Be Your Downfall
Movies, TV, and pop culture have conditioned us to believe that there is that one perfect choice when it comes to wedding arrangements.
Often things like choosing a wedding dress are a process and you may not have that moment where you see the perfect dress and everyone bursts into tears when you try it on. It isn’t like the movies.
Wedding planning, your wedding, and marriage are not as glamorous as you have always pictured them to be because they are happening in real life, not behind a movie filming stage where you can cut and take the shot again.
And that’s perfectly okay!
It was when I let my Type A personality embrace the more spontaneous side that I was able to let loose and truly enjoy the wedding planning process.
I decided to wing it and order my wedding dress on Poshmark. It fit perfectly and I had an amazing time trying it on in the comfort of my own bedroom.
Now, that’s nothing like a movie scene and yet, it is such a special moment to me. Hollywood makes us think that a wedding, or even your engagement season, won’t be amazing unless you have the perfect “magical” moments they present us in the movies.
However, I have found that when you let go of all those “it should be this way” thoughts in your head, is when you can really start to enjoy the journey you are on.
Doing things differently, more simply, than Hollywood is what makes them so special.
So, an extremely important thing to know before you start wedding planning is that it can be very easy to get inside your head as you look for these magical moments. Don’t overthink it!
Let the process happen and just enjoy whatever gets thrown your way. Know that everything happens for a reason. Don’t get upset at something that goes wrong, but instead look at everything you have been blessed with already!
And when you need a reminder, come back and read this post again!
Overall, when it comes to the important things to know before planning your wedding just remember: relax and enjoy the journey.
Leave a comment below telling me when you are getting married and what part of the wedding planning journey you are looking forward to most!
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Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma
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