How To Have A Great Marriage With Small Children Underfoot

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It’s almost certain that having children can lead to a difficult season in your marriage at some point. Having a marriage with small children underfoot requires a new level of resiliency!

But, your marriage doesn’t have to suffer if you implement some strategies. As Christians, the best thing we can do for our marriage is keep our eyes focused on Christ by reading the Bible, praying together, and spending time alone with God.

The strategies below all stem from that central point – as we each grow closer to God; we grow closer together. We currently have three children under three and life seems to be moving fast these days! It takes even more intentionality to stay united as a couple.

At times our marriage gets put on the back burner as we have so many little children and also a busy life building our new house and starting our homestead. These strategies help our marriage with small children stay strong and fun!

Let’s check them out…

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Remember You’re On The Same Team

When we are stressed, it can be so easy to take it out on the other person. Instead, it’s important to remember that our spouse is not the enemy. We are on the same team!

When we do things together, whether as simple as praying together, playing a board game, or watching a TV show, we remember that our marriage is strengthened when we unite together, not tearing each other down.

At-Home Date Nights

We will be the first to admit that having a marriage with small children makes it very difficult to have a weekly date night. A couple times a year we hire a babysitter to watch the kids, but otherwise, we are at home for date nights when we can squeeze them in.

Having date nights as regularly as possible helps us strengthen our marriage. It leads to physical and emotional connection, as long as we are intentional with the words that we say. We have noticed that the more effort we put into our at-home date nights, the more we glean from that time together.

As a result, our marriage grows stronger. It’s the small things that make the big difference – making popcorn for the other person, offering a back massage, or just choosing to turn off your phone completely and be present by asking intentional questions.

Communicate Your Needs And Desires

Harboring guilt, resentment, or grudges will lead to the destruction of your marriage. So will keeping score or comparing roles.

Start practicing sharing your thoughts and feelings with the other person at an appropriate time and place, with love. Of course, it is best to start this habit before you have children. But, starting it even in a marriage with small children is better than never!

Your spouse can’t read your mind and has a different perspective on life than you. The more you bring things up, the sooner you can begin aligning with your spouse and growing in your marriage.

Always Give Grace

It’s so easy to assume the worst about others. Instead, learn to be selfless and look for the needs and desires of your spouse. When they mess up in your eyes, choose to show them grace.

As the Bible verse goes, “Treat others as you would want to be treated.” It’s so simple yet so hard to implement this with your spouse. We get so easily annoyed and choose to take it out on them. Grace is a miracle worker.

And just as we have been shown what the ultimate price of grace looks like through Jesus’ death on the cross, so can we show grace to our spouse and improve our marriage!

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Be Quick To Forgive

Just as we want to show grace often, we also want to be quick to forgive. I’m so grateful for my husband leading our relationship in this way. I am so bad at forgiving quickly. I want to harbor my resentment and somehow feel justified when I’ve been wronged.

I’ve come to practice what my husband does, asking forgiveness and admitting his wrongs so quickly. You can start by just saying “You were right, I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” It’s amazing how much those words can change a relationship around!

Focus On Your Love Languages

If you’re not sure where to start, read this book and take the love languages test. How do you best feel loved? Ask your spouse what their love language is and then look for little ways to make your spouse feel loved throughout the day.

So many times we think it is the big things that make the difference, but it’s the small acts of love that change the course of everything. Washing the dishes, sending an encouraging text, and just spending some quality time together are all little actions that you can do to show your love.

Add to one another’s cup often, and you will reap the benefits of a great marriage with small children underfoot!

Write Love Notes

This is another strategy I’ve shared about before that my husband and I practice. Since we were dating, we have always written love notes to each other. Sometimes we remember weekly, and sometimes it takes a few weeks. But it’s always so refreshing and encouraging to receive the note!

My husband even built a little mailbox for us to put the notes into. My love language is words of affirmation and this small act of love always encourages me!

Always Be Honest

Lastly, honesty is the best policy. It builds trust, especially in a marriage with small children. Be open and honest about your feelings about what you are dealing with currently. Parenting struggles, lack of motivation, not enough rest – whatever it is be open and honest about it with your spouse.

Do weekly check-ins with each other, or at least monthly, so you can get back on the same page! Also, be honest with the areas that you have failed in and be willing to work harder at improving them.

These are some strategies that have helped us have a great marriage with small children! Which of these will you be trying out first? Let me know in the comments below.

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Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma

Hey there, I'm Kelsey! I'm so glad you are here. I'm a 20-something helping you live your most fulfilling life. I hope you'll join me in this old-fashioned & simple lifestyle!