I’m going to be honest right away: I’m writing this post because I couldn’t find the answer when I was asking this exact question. You deserve the answer, but no one deserves to go through this in the first place.
While this is a vulnerable topic and a touchy subject, it needs to be shared. Your story matters. And I hope my story helps you in some way.
I hid what I went through for a long time. At first for protection and privacy but then out of fear. The more I learned that looking back at the past season of my life is critical to my spiritual health, the more I also realized my story could help others.
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Even recently after reading Donald Miller’s Scary Close, I have seen how vulnerability is critical to growing closer to others and forming intimate relationships. And while this is the world wide web, I pray that I can somehow help you in some way and that God would use me as an instrument to bring about His goodness in your life.
As a Christian, I take pornography very seriously. It is not something God designed. It is a direct result of sin and evil in our fallen world and should be fought against with every measure.
The devil likes to tell us the lie that porn is ok. He says a porn addiction is natural and normal. We are told the lie that we need porn and that it is just a simple reality in our world. If everyone else is doing why shouldn’t you?
God designed human sexuality to honor Him in every way. Porn, instead, invades God’s natural design and affects every relationship in our lives. It skews the brains thinking and often leads to deep sin. It brings us deeper and deeper into our sin issues.
Even the characters of the Bible struggled with pornography and looking at evil and sinful things. We can hear David cry out to God, “Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity And revive me in Your ways” in Psalm 119:37.
A porn addiction is something very hard and difficult to deal with, but there is hope. God saves us all from addiction when we come before Him.
How I Was Affected By Pornography
I was naïve to the reality of pornography. Let me share my story.
In college, I dated a strong Christian man for a year. We would talk about our struggles and flaws occasionally, and patterns in each other’s lives were noticed but nothing major seemed to catch me off-guard.
He told me he struggled with lust and was introduced to a bit of porn in middle school. He showed me the boundaries he had put in place, like accountability partners and “Covenant Eyes” software on his phone and computer. I was satisfied and didn’t think much of it.
God laid a question on my heart after one year of dating. That is the only reason it came to mind and that is the only reason I asked it.
“When was the last time you looked at porn?”
His answer shocked me. “Just two days ago,” he said. In fact, he told me he looked at it all the time despite the boundaries he had set up. He had a porn addiction and I had no idea.
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If you’ve gone through something similar, which may be the exact reason you are reading this post, then you know that this news affects you in huge ways.
My trust in the relationship was gone. I was emotionally damaged. I felt worthless and ugly because I didn’t live up to the porn he was watching online. And the list could go on and on.
God used this instance for us to break up. His will was not marriage for us in the end.
I know of several others that have gone through similar situations, and marriage was the answer after a porn addiction. It was something they chose to work through together and fight the battle together. God has different results for each of us.
That moment happened over two years ago, and I still remember it so clearly.
As Christians, we feel the weight of this reality in huge ways. It hurts us because we know it is not something honoring God. A porn addiction is sin and God hates sin.
We know that a porn addiction has extremely high negative results. It damages emotional states, healthy relationships are destroyed, and love becomes twisted and skewed from God’s design.
Jesus told us in Matthew 5:28 “but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
And even when the party with the porn addiction knows how wrong it is, they find themselves enslaved to it. The chains are extremely hard to break.
Yet, God offers hope and a way out.
The Reality Of Pornography
There is nothing acceptable or ok about pornography. It is war. If you have a porn addiction, your soul is on the line. There is nothing light about this subject and it is a serious matter that so many Christians fight day after day.
Porn is not something that should be blown off in any sort of way. Sin is deceptive and it makes you feel like it is ok. The world and our culture tell us it is ok. In fact, they tell us it is necessary.
However, God shows us clearly in His word that it is a deep sin that must be fled from constantly.
Porn is the new drug of our society. With it so easy to access at any point of any day at any location, it seems almost impossible to escape from. This website is even called, Fight The New Drug.
Repetitive sin is bondage. When someone continues to look at porn and has a porn addiction, they are not set free from it and that is why it is a continual war.
Thankfully, the truth can set us free.
If you struggle with a porn addiction or know someone that does start with this first step: Confess it.
Bring your sin to God and lay it at His feet. Ask for His forgiveness and seek Him in prayer and meditation. If you feel the weight of your burden, repent to God. Tell Him how wrong it feels and that you have sinned.
God loves us and forgives us. But repenting our sin doesn’t mean we can keep living in it, no matter how hard it might be.
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God tells us to flee from our sin. It can be seen in 1 Corinthians 6:18 that says “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.”
And often we can’t flee from our addictions alone. We need help and accountability. It is so important to have someone physically encouraging us on the right path.
Second, you should look for a Christian counselor in your area. Often insurance can cover this cost too. Counselors are trained for situations like this and will be able to walk you down the path of freedom. They are wonderful people to assist you.
I also suggest checking out some of these wonderful Christian resources if you have a porn addiction. These will help you in the right direction towards hope and freedom in Christ.
https://settingcaptivesfree.com/
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/
Remember Psalm 119:9-10, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. With all my heart I have sought You; Do not let me wander from Your commandments.”
Dive into God’s worth and soak up His truth more than you soak up anything else in life. Engulf yourself with His commandments and word and it will be the secret weapon that allows you to fight this battle.
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How To Handle Finding Out About Pornography
If you are on the other end, where you don’t struggle with porn and don’t have a porn addiction, but have been affected by a relationship that does, then here are some helpful tips for you in overcoming the emotional effects it can have on you.
First, let go of negative beliefs that result after finding out about a porn addiction. Some of these beliefs may be, “I’m worthless” or “I don’t measure up.”
Some of the biggest lies and negative beliefs that I dealt with after were “I am never going to live up to the standard porn sets.” And it wasn’t until I went to Scripture and dove into God’s word that I realized the truth.
No, I am not going to live up to the cultural standards that porn sets. And that’s ok but that is an unrealistic and fantasized standard. It is not the standard Christ sets and it is not one I should be striving to live up to anyways.
Christ gives me a higher calling. He calls me to, “…not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)
In fact, I love this article that explains the high calling God has for us and the will of our lives. He calls us to live for Him in every area and circumstance He puts us in. We are his servants and He is the One we live for.
So, whatever the culture tells us is “right” is indeed wrong. We need to live for the God of the universe and open His word to find the truth we need to live up to every single day. Tune the culture out and tune God in.
Second, live out the truth you believe. Now that you have sought out the truth and have embraced it, it is time to live it out.
For me, even though that relationship was damaged, I had so much love and time now available to pour into the other relationships around me.
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Even though this is an extremely hard season of life and you are going through these challenges, God uses it for good. When doors close, other ones open. Scary Close is a great book to learn more about this concept as well.
Finding out about a porn addiction does not mean you can’t be used by God.
God wants to use you during this trial, and He has extraordinary plans for your life. One of my favorite verses of all time is Romans 8:28, which says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
You are not useless right now. In fact, you may be even more powerful in certain situations because God’s power lives in you through His Holy Spirit for all of us that have believed with our hearts that Jesus Christ is Lord.
God is going to use you right here, right now, whatever you are going through. Now, it’s up to you to put it into action.
Here are some questions for you to consider:
- How can I show God’s life in my everyday life this week?
- What could I do for someone else close to me today?
- Who is struggling right now that I could offer encouragement to?
- Where can I make time in my busy schedule to worship God and praise Him for His grace, mercy, and love?
- What does God want me to do with this situation to glorify His name?
Not quite sure of the answers to some of those questions? Pray.
Ask God to use you as His instrument in bringing out His ultimate plan and purpose. Then turn to the story of Joseph in the Bible (Genesis 37-50) and see how God works firsthand in each of our lives.
When you are struggling to handle finding out about a porn addiction, turn to Christ, His Word, and Christian counseling. Seek a mentor within your church to help you walk through this journey.
Trusting God, His purpose and plan does not come easy during hard times. However, it is the ultimate way to redemption and freedom from sin.
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Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma
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