If you haven’t read part one yet on the first eight steps on how to say no in tremendous ways, make sure you do that here first and then jump over to this post: 17 Steps To Saying No In Tremendous Ways – Part One.
As a review, there are some amazing reasons that we should be saying no.
First, don’t be selfish. If you keep saying yes to fill your own wants, start looking at ways to say yes to others’ needs instead. Examine your motivation behind why you say yes, all the time, and know your needs.
It’s also important to keep a long-term perspective and focus on long-term gains over immediate satisfaction. This will help you say no to things now so that you can have big wins in the future.
Saying no takes time and can be hard to achieve if you don’t take practical steps towards a more fulfilling life of saying yes to only your best yes.
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Here are nine more steps to saying no that you can begin implementing today.
The Last Nine Steps To Saying No
9. Teach Yourself Self-Control
It is so easy to be a yes person. You feel like you are helping others and making a difference. Or you may feel like you are even better than someone else (see point 8 in the previous article here).
But sometimes we have to do hard things. And as simple as it may sounds, saying no can be a very hard thing to do for a lot of people. I know it is extremely hard for me.
I have had to learn self-control in this area of my life. Instead of doing the easy thing throughout my day, I have practiced choosing the hard things in life. When I choose something hard to strive towards in life, like training for a half marathon, it makes saying no to smaller things even easier, like saying no to that chocolate craving I’m facing.
Self-control, one of the fruits of the spirit in the Bible found in Galatians 5, can be practiced through the act of saying no. The more I say no, the more I am able to exercise self-control within my own life.
10. Eliminate The Wrong Voices
Is someone around you always saying yes? Does that cause you to say yes more?
I always felt like I had to say yes to everything in college because that is what everyone else was doing. I was also encouraged to participate in every volunteer opportunity or attend every campus event, so I felt like I had to say yes.
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It wasn’t until after college that I realized one of the factors behind my “yes syndrome” was that everyone else was saying yes. When all the voices were gone after college and there wasn’t as much to say yes to it was paralyzing to me.
I didn’t quite know what to do with myself, but through the process, I learned that I can say no, even if everyone else is saying yes. Is this one of the steps to saying no that you are going to focus on today?
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11. Study Discipline
A naturally disciplined person will get work done and get it done on time. I am a naturally disciplined person and to prove it, I have never turned in an assignment late to school. It’s out of my nature.
Yet, when it came to saying no it was very hard for me to be disciplined. I would continue to say yes, and maybe in a way was disciplined in saying yes.
If you struggle with staying disciplined, start implementing some practical ways for you to become better at. When it came to saying no, I recently started the practice of keeping track in a journal every time I said yes to something that I probably should have said no to.
Every night, I would think about the day and write down those times I said yes instead of no.
Set a reminder on your phone, make a priority, and be intentional with a small act like this journal. It will help you become more disciplined in saying no.
12. Fight Emotions
All you people-pleasers out there, myself included, raise your hands.
I think we are good people-pleasers because we are good at following our emotions. We feel the joy of saying yes or the hurt of saying no, and that is why we say yes more.
Part of saying no is taking this step to heart: you have to realize when your emotions are controlling your yes. Don’t believe me? Grab a copy of this book on Amazon and you’ll see why.
If you allow your emotions to always direct your answer, then your answer will often be the wrong one. Sometimes it’s head over heart.
13. Align With Truth & Explain If Necessary
When it comes to saying no, you don’t always have to give a reason. Sometimes a no is enough.
But often, a reason is necessary to help others understand your perspective and situation.
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What truth can provide them to help them see the reason behind your no? When I say no and I feel an explanation is required, I will add some vulnerable content, especially if it is a close friend or family member.
An example could be, “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it to that event next weekend because I am just not in the financial situation at the moment to afford it.” Or “I have been lacking in quality time with my family members and I think it is important that I spend that day with them.”
Don’t be fearful of being slightly vulnerable when saying no. This is one of the most important steps to take when it comes to saying no because we often miss the mark here.
We want others to read our minds and somehow know the reason behind our no. Instead, open up slightly and be vulnerable so that they can truly see the reason behind your no. It will help you both be more respectful to the situation in the end.
14. Discern What Your Priorities Are
Learning to say no could be in the form of saying no to junk food for a healthier lifestyle and saying yes to working out more. It could be learning to say to overtime at work so that you can yes to spending more quality time with friends and family.
It could also be saying no to shopping trips and impromptu purchases on the internet so that you can yes to long-term financial goals.
You need to ask yourself, “What are my priorities in life?” After reading The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst, I really understood the importance of taking this step.
Saying no to something that does not align with your priorities is an incredible skill to have.
Running my own side business is a priority in my life, but saying yes to an afternoon nap is a lot easier than saying no. I have to regularly review my priorities in life and make sure they align with the decisions I make every single day.
When you say yes to the things that matter to you most in life, you will feel the joy that comes along with it. Saying no to the things that do not align will become much easier.
This is one of the best steps to saying no. How will you start saying yes to only your life priorities?
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15. Get Ready To Have Hard Moments
When I started focusing on saying no more to things that don’t align with my priorities, things that were selfish, or things that had the wrong underlying motives, I realized that life got harder at first not easier.
Saying no to a concert that everyone was going to but didn’t align with my values was not easy. In fact, most of the time we say no, it is not easy.
Life is pretty hard when we choose the hard path and not the easy one. But it is slightly easier when we expect it to be hard.
Give yourself the right expectations when it comes to saying no. What will you miss out on? What will you gain instead?
There is often a give and take when it comes to saying no to something. It may involve sacrifice or self-denial. It may mean you put someone else before yourself.
Give yourself realistic expectations in these steps to saying no and you’ll be on track to learning to say no in tremendous ways.
16. Realize No Is Love
When we say no, it can cause us or someone else to feel hurt. And that feeling sucks. I hate when I feel like I have caused someone pain because that is never my intention.
But sometimes, you just have to say it.
A lot of the time no can be the most loving thing you could say to a person. A no could be hurtful today, but the most loving thing you could do for them in the future.
Or think of yourself. If you are always saying yes and driving yourself crazy without even realizing it, you will face burnout before you know it. Instead, say a smaller no today, then face the consequences and a bigger no in the future.
This book has helped me see the value in saying no to smaller things in the present moment so that I can enjoy them more in the future. It has also helped me help others, by showing them that they can avoid bigger hurt in the future.
For example, saying no to another date with the wrong guy as soon as you know is a more loving thing than leading him on because saying yes is easier. Choose to say no sooner and you are in fact expressing an even deeper act of love.
Is saying a smaller no now going to be one of the steps to saying no that you are going to begin implementing today?
17. Live Into Who God Made You To Be Through No
My last and final step is my favorite of them all because it takes the focus off of ourselves and points it back to the Creator of the universe.
God created you with amazing gifts and abilities, one’s that He specifically designed for you so that you could go and make a difference in this world. When we say yes to things that aren’t within the purpose that God made us for, we aren’t honoring Him with our yes.
As a Christian, I have a calling on this world to serve my Creator. Even though I have the desire to say yes to all the opportunities that came across my path, God desires me to serve Him with my best yes.
My best yes is the one that gives God all the glory. It’s the yes that puts all my talents and abilities in alignment and points others back to Him. It is my calling and His kingdom work for me to give my Savior my best yes.
The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst is a fantastic read to help you on the path to finding and achieving your best yes.
If you are unsure of what it looks like to say no in tremendous ways, what it means to say yes to new things, and what your best yes in this world should be then I encourage you to pick up this book today.
As a person that says yes to literally everything, I have grown so much since reading this book.
There is so much positive to saying yes and so many amazing experiences I have had or people I have met because of a yes, but there has also been a lot of hurt that has been aroused since saying yes too much.
If you know that you need to limit your yes to a best yes, and learn to say no more, then it’s time to pick up The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst and start taking these steps to saying no.
Taking steps to saying no doesn’t have to be so hard. In fact, all of these are very straightforward and practical steps you can start implementing today.
Which steps to saying no will you begin with today? Let me know in the comments below!
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Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma
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These were so good!! Love how you saved the best for last. One thing that recently resonated with me (that aligns with many of your reasons), was that every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else.
Every time I am saying yes to volunteering, I am saying no to my daughter when she wants to play, or to my health when I don’t have time to cook.
Thank you so much Cynthia, glad I could help! Soooo true!
Love your quote – “Self-control can be practiced through the act of saying no.” That is SO good and I need to print that out to hang on my wall.
Summer that means so much I really appreciate it!
I love this – it’s all really great advice! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Beth!!