As a 20-something, I wanted to read The Defining Decade, Why Your Twenties Matter – And How To Make The Most Of Them by Meg Jay to see what I could learn from her in my adulting journey, and I learned quite a few things.
If you’re struggling to know what steps to take next as you begin adulting and entering the real world for the first time then I highly suggest picking up this book, The Defining Decade, and seeing what advice it can offer you.
While not all of it was super practical, it was filled with lots of real-world advice and examples. As a clinical psychologist, Meg Jay tells of real conversations she has had with 20-somethings and their struggles. While reading the book I was thinking “Oh my word YAS I’ve said that exact thing!”
It encouraged me to know that I am not doing this journey alone, that there are solutions and real-world answers to the questions 20-somethings face on a daily basis, and that people like Meg are out there to guide us on our journey.
Find it on Amazon here!
See it on Amazon here!
This book is broken down into a couple of sections: work, love, and the brain and body. Each section goes into detail about what 20-somethings experience within that category and what can be done about it.
I say it doesn’t always give practical answers because it’s not a formula book. It doesn’t say to do x, y, or z to reach your goal. But Meg does hand-deliver advice that we can ponder and come up with solutions for in our own lives.
Here is one of my favorite quotes from this book, because it goes right along with the problem I am solving and my passion for the mission of helping 20-somethings live a more fulfilling life:
“There are fifty million twenty-somethings in the United States, most of whom are living with a staggering, unprecedented amount of uncertainty. Many have no idea what they will be doing, where they will be living, or who they will be within two or even ten years. They don’t know when they will be happy or when they will be able to pay their bills. They wonder if they should be photographers or lawyers or designers or bankers. They don’t know whether they are a few dates or many years from a meaningful relationship. They worry about whether they will have families and their marriages will last. Most simply, they don’t know if their lives will work out and they don’t know what to do.”
Ready to hear more about my honest review of The Defining Decade? Let’s see how The Defining Decade could impact your 20-something years.
What The Defining Decade Says About Work
Every 20-something is trying to figure out their career. We have to because we have to make money to survive in this world. Sometimes I wish we could sit around doing our hobbies all day, but for most of us, that isn’t our reality.
After I graduated from college, I faced so much anxiety. I was so unsure of what to do with the rest of my life. I didn’t know what job to take, how to feel fulfilled in my career, and how to even find what I was most passionate about.
As a clinical psychologist, Meg Jay talks about the same conversations she had with one of her clients. They were so anxious about what career step to take, they didn’t take any at all!
Related Post: How To Land Your First Entry-Level Job After College
But that’s the first step that must be taken no matter how anxious or depressed you might be feeling over the subject: you have to take that first step.
Action is key.
So while it might be hard to find your passion at first, know what career field to go into, or figure out your life calling, it’s not about doing everything you can to get there. It’s about just doing something.
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I love that Meg talks about not just settling for your average cashier or barista job after you graduate college. In The Defining Decade, she encourages you to go out there and find a job to at least put your degree to work.
A job, even as simple as a customer service representative, often requires a college degree and pays higher than a high-school job like a cashier or barista. So don’t just settle because you are unsure.
Get a job that pays in relation to the degree you just worked so hard for and while you are in that job still figuring it all out you can pursue your hobbies and passions on the side and that will help you come to terms with what your next career move should be.
Sitting on the sidelines could be the worst mistake a 20-something could do, so don’t wait for your dream job to fall into your lap. Work hard at an entry-level position and you never know what might come your way.
I love this part of the book that says, “Ian was right. That is how it’s done. This is how it starts. Claiming a career or getting a good job isn’t the end; it’s the beginning. And, then, there is still a lot more to know and a lot more to do.”
What The Defining Decade Says About Love
The Defining Decade has a whole section on love, and I found it helpful in some aspects, but certainly did not blow me away.
I also can’t say I agreed with all the advice. Being a Christian, my biblical worldview came in conflict at times with Meg Jay’s advice, but I was able to find some gold nuggets in the mix.
One thing I admired in this section of the book was how she talks about taking the steps from like to love to marriage. They aren’t always easy steps but they are the process most of us go through.
When we enter marriage it is hard work. It takes the selfless act of two communicating and working together as a team. Here is a favorite quote from this section:
See it on Amazon here!
See it on Amazon here!
“Research on long-term marriages suggests what we need in marriage changes over time. It is a young couple’s job to create a shared vision and a shared life. When this is the tasks, similarities can feel validating and comforting, and differences can feel threatening.
By our forties and beyond as work, children, home, activities, extended family, and community come to the fore, marriage is typically less couple-centered. When couples are juggling more than dinners and shared weekends, diversification of skills and interests can be helpful. Differences can keep life fresh.”
Related Post: 12 Steps You Need To Take After You Graduate College
So, while each of us may have a different vision of what pursuing a relationship looks like, relationships are something that every 20-something faces at one point or another. It is how we handle those relationships that make it a defining decade.
Sometimes it’s our personality that we need to work on when it comes to relationships. We need help finding balance with how sometimes our personality could be too meek or too boisterous. Or we may just need someone to point it out for us.
Other times we simply have not had the practice of being selfless and self-serving yet. We might need to practice that more and more to make it more of a habit. Either way, relationships require teamwork and that is a skill that is improved over time.
There is no need to feel anxious about your love life. Instead, examine your personality and quality traits and see what you can improve in yourself to improve your relationships.
Improving your relationships as a 20-something is a great way to start setting up the right habits for the rest of your life.
What The Defining Decade Says About The Brain and The Body
When you enter your first real-world job it can be very intimidating. You must learn office politics and who to add on social media from work. You also have to balance different relationships and adjust to a new lifestyle.
Adjusting to my first entry-level job definitely took time and a lot of learning. I made mistakes and was shown grace, and I chose to grow from them and not make the same mistakes again. Meg mentions this in her book The Defining Decade.
“The things we do wrong at work are no longer typos but may be losing a $500,000 account or releasing software that crashes the company website for a day. But older adults – and even 20-somethings who work at it – can be rooted in the confidence that problems can be solved, or at least survived.”
This part of the book was fun to read because while we can often feel very anxious at our first entry-level jobs as 20-somethings, we don’t have to be. Meg encourages us to calm ourselves and see the big picture.
We also struggle with our jobs as 20-somethings because we jump to irrational conclusions all the time. Meg talks about how our brain still works mostly out of the amygdala and less out of the frontal lobe. The frontal lobe helps us stay more rational, which I found very interesting.
I also enjoyed how Meg talked about confidence. Confidence is a huge part of what 20-somethings face. We don’t have the knowledge or experience yet to back up our decisions, so we try to fake confidence and avoid taking risks.
However, as Meg points out, confidence comes from doing things. It comes from succeeding and overcoming mistakes. Failure can lead to confidence. So, it’s not just about faking confidence in our 20s, it’s about learning to grow it through our decisions.
The Defining Decade showed me just how much our 20s really do define us. 20-somethings can take advice from all three of these sections and learn how to live with real confidence in their 20s.
This book is loaded with so much more information than I could ever fit into a blog post, so I encourage you to read it. Reading is a wonderful way to increase your knowledge of this defining decade of your life.
Conclusion on The Defining Decade
The reason I love The Defining Decade, Why Your Twenties Matter – And How To Make The Most Of Them Now, by Meg Jay is because she has the overall same vision as I do: to help 20-somethings live a more fulfilling life.
You see, your twenties really are such a defining decade. They are the years that you set up your life for success. I always say, set up the right habits now to make the rest of your life golden. Learn the hard lessons in your 20s, take the risks in your 20s, and embrace adulthood fully in your 20’s that you can have a firm foundation.
So, the next time you think about avoiding life’s responsibilities or another life lesson to be learned, instead take the time to make it a habit. Some of the best areas you can start doing that with are the ones Meg covers, but also your finances, your health, your faith/spirituality, and your personal development.
Related Post: The Top 10 Most Influential Books On Adulting
Your 20s don’t have to be so hard when you have a roadmap to do it. Check out the other blog posts on my blog to see what other tips you can have to live a fulfilling life by making the right decisions in your 20s.
Read, make mistakes, learn, and grow – all important pieces to the puzzle of mastering your 20s and entering adulthood smoothly with the right information.
Have you read The Defining Decade by Meg Jay? What was your favorite part? What are your thoughts on the book? I’d love to hear in the comments below!
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Kelsey at GoodPointGrandma
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What a phenomenally in-depth conversation about The Defining Decade. I hadn’t heard about this book, prior to reading your article, and now I think I’ll be adding it to my reading list for 2020. It sounds really beneficial and encouraging. I look forward to diving into it for myself!
You should definitely give it a read Stephanie! I believe it can help everyone discover a little more about themselves.
What an interesting book! I am out of my twenties now, but the decisions I made during that time will have an impact on the rest of my life for sure. I like that you pointed out the places you disagree with the author. There’s not always a right answer for this kind of stuff.
Exactly, your twenties impact the rest of your life and that’s why it’s so important to set them up successfully! Thanks for sharing Kait!
I have never heard about this book but seeing this post makes me want to check it out! Thank you for sharing!
Kileen
cute & little
You’re welcome!
I love the part of working until you come across your dream job. This usually happens when you are busy with something else
Yes, that’s how blogging was for me haha